Random Encounter
by Antony Bellows
Summary: Two boys fooling around on their computers select "RANDOM ENCOUNTER" from their pesterchum menus and hope for the best. An awkward conversation leads to a lifetime friendship-aka. John & Dave's first meeting.


Based on an omegle chat I had a while back-being a grammar nazi, the amount of grammatical mistakes in this just about killed me  
the original word document was colored so it was easier to tell the difference but FF is quite rude and turns all my text black.  
John's chumhandle is ghostyTrickster, this is before he started getting trolled and changed it. sorry for ooc

Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie

* * *

You are pestering a random chum:  
ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:01

TG: sup  
GT: nothing much. You?  
TG: pretty much just hanging out being the coolest dude to ever spring fully formed from the head of zeus  
TG: so you know  
TG: the usual  
GT: heh heh, thats pretty chill  
TG: you have no idea dude  
TG: im so chill you could keep a slab of meat fresh for the week in my abdomen  
TG: im so hip i have trouble seeing over my pelvis  
GT: sounds pretty cool bro  
TG: its sweet man  
TG: my names dave  
GT: john  
TG: sweet  
TG: nice to meet you or whatever  
GT: haha, same  
GT: you sound pretty cool  
TG: wait really no way  
TG: this is brand new information for me  
TG: im just like  
TG: fuck  
TG: freaking out over here  
TG: cool  
TG: like what the fuck even is that  
GT: haha, quit that you douche  
TG: not gonna happen  
TG: ever  
TG: sarcasm is just one of my many skills  
GT: you're a pro at it  
TG: i spent years training under a zen sarcasm master  
TG: brb  
GT: no problem  
TG: back sorry  
TG: my bro needed something  
GT: what did he need?  
TG: just some help with a puppet thing he was making  
GT: puppets?  
GT: those are creepy and lame man  
TG: no its pretty awesome  
TG: like he has this whole ironic thing going on  
TG: theres like layers of irony at work  
TG: layers  
GT: cool, I guess  
TG: its like a cake  
TG: made out of onions  
TG: except the whole thing is frosted with irony  
TG: wow that is an incredibly shitty metaphor but you get my point  
GT: sounds pretty gross, but yeah  
TG: so what shenanigans are you up to?  
GT: I'm kinda hiding from my dad  
TG: shit why  
TG: is he like  
TG: some kind of weirdo  
GT: no, my dad's pretty cool  
GT: but he's making a ridiculous amount of pastries and cakes in the kitchen and I don't wanna run into that  
TG: oh  
TG: is he like  
TG: gonna hit you with the cakes or something  
GT: no  
GT: he'll try to feed them to me probably  
TG: oh wow  
GT: or something  
TG: call dcfs dude  
TG: hello  
TG: yeah my dads baking me cakes  
TG: shit what a fucking monster  
TG: call the swat team we need to get that poor kid out of there  
GT: haha very funny  
TG: wow if there were any more sarcasm dripping off that youd have to mop that mess up  
TG: youd have people all comically slipping in your wake  
GT: shut up man  
GT: I'm like a comical god  
GT: you're dealing with the pranking MASTER  
TG: uh huh  
GT: somewhere people worship me  
GT: they'll be, "John Egbert, you're amazing!"  
TG: yeah sure  
TG: maybe like lizard people  
TG: the ones crazy dudes say control the government  
GT: lizard people? You're crazy  
GT: next you'll be talking about aliens or ghosts  
TG: yeah right  
TG: ghosts totally don't exist  
GT: it'd be cool if they did though  
GT: who would we call?  
TG: i dunno  
TG: probably madam cleo  
GT: no  
GT: we'd call ghostbusters  
TG: yeah, see i thought you were setting me up for that  
TG: and i was just like  
TG: naw man  
GT: who's madam cleo?  
TG: shes this psychic hotline lady  
TG: bro and i prank call her sometimes  
GT: that sounds fun  
GT: I wish I did that with my dad  
GT: he just bakes and collects his weird harlequins  
TG: thats weird  
GT: yeah  
TG: my bro is fucking legit as hell  
TG: he gave me these sweet shades when i was just like a baby  
GT: that sweet  
GT: what do they look like?  
TG: theyre all pointy at the ends  
TG: like  
TG: a really pointy bowtie  
GT: so  
GT: they're like those anime kinds, I guess  
TG: yeah my bro is totally all about anime  
TG: ironically  
TG: i mean hes not like a weaboo or anything  
GT: shades sound pretty sweet  
TG: yeah they make me look like a badass  
TG: not that I need the help  
GT: haha, no you're pretty badass  
TG: thanks bro  
TG: so are you like some weird forty year old dude lingering on pesterchum chatting up some kids  
TG: i mean its cool if you are  
GT: of course I'm not!  
TG: just would appreciate knowing  
TG: in case i need to call creep alert  
GT: honestly  
GT: I'm 12  
TG: okay shit  
TG: me too  
GT: really? That's cool!  
TG: yeah i guess  
TG: itd be nice to like be able to drive and shit  
TG: and middle school blows chunks  
GT: yeah. It's not exactly exciting  
TG: i guarantee it's a hundred times worse in texas  
GT: you live out in texas?  
TG: yeah  
GT: is it super hot there with your puppets and shades and irony?  
TG: its like the surface of mercury  
TG: seriously  
TG: like if you go outside without spf 10000000 sunscreen you burst into flames and die  
TG: cross my heart  
GT: pff  
GT: yeah right  
TG: no seriously  
TG: sun induced immolation is the number one cause of death  
TG: look it up  
GT: haha, okay  
GT: hey, you're pretty cool, dave. Let's talk again sometime  
TG: yeah def  
TG: dave strider btw  
TG: since i got your name Egbert  
GT: I'll add you to my chums list, we can talk whenever  
TG: cool  
TG: same  
TG: guess ill talk to you later  
GT: yeah. See you

ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]


End file.
